Photo gazing

Recently got these pics back from Saint Park, the "mama/baby spa" that we stayed in for two weeks after we left the hospital.  Brings such a smile to my face looking at two-week old Elliot and astounds me how much the little guy has already grown and changed since then (quite literally: for one thing, he's now 13.9 pounds at 5.5 weeks old! -- around the 98th% percentile!!)

Good perspective

The Last Time

... You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,
And days will run into days that are exactly the same,
Full of feedings and burping,
Nappy changes and crying,
Whining and fighting,
Naps or a lack of naps,
It might seem like a never-ending cycle.

But don't forget...
There is a last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed
your baby for the very last time.
They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.

One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down,
And never pick them up that way again.
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road,
Then never reach for it again.
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,
And it will be the last night you ever wake to this.

One afternoon you will sing "the wheels on the bus"
and do all the actions,
Then never sing them that song again.
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,
The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.
They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.

The thing is, you won't even know it's the last time
Until there are no more times.
And even then, it will take you a while to realize.

So while you are living in these times,
remember there are only so many of them
and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.

For one last time.

- Author unknown.

4 weeks

As I write this, I'm watching Elliot sleeping blissfully on his Fisher-Price swing -- a hand-me down from a good friend in Seoul, which has quickly become Elliot's (and our) best friend.  It's a sleep that I know is precarious... any second he can wake up, realize that he's not being actually being held, and scream bloody murder.  I smile at how long this post will likely take me to write, as I pause after every sentence to watch his cute mouth opening, his eyes making ever so slight movements (dreaming or about to wake up??), hands trying to squirm even inside his swaddle.  Anyone can tell I'm a new mom by how much I look at my baby and just smile.

I wish I could say that four weeks after his birth, I no longer check to see whether he is still breathing.  As a seven-year old, I used to make sure my cat was still breathing when she slept, so I was pretty sure I'd have the compulsion once Elliot was born.  I just didn't expect how many times Tyler and I would actually ask each other this (I can usually count on Tyler to be my voice of reason, but him answering me seriously makes my subconscious feel that this is actually a valid question to ask).  The first night after Elliot was born, we literally took turns sleeping, making sure someone was always watching him and making sure he was still breathing ("I got this round; why don't you go to sleep").

After a particularly fussy night this past Sunday with Elliot screaming and seemingly inconsolable, (after a really fun and nice Valentines Day dinner at home... who says it's hard to date post-baby??), we put on white noise, and then... silence.  We literally laughed out loud because he just froze mid-scream once the white noise was on, like he had been programmed.  When he was still quiet on the bed thirty minutes later, we were both like, "He's still breathing, right??"

So let's see, what's going on in his world?  Lots.  His focus these days seems to be moving from his hands to his feet.  When Elliot was first born, I loved watching his arms move around -- slowly and seemingly beyond his own control.  It was exactly what I used to feel when he was in the womb, and it was amazing to then be able to physically see what he was doing all those months (I called him my little tai chi baby).  He still has the moro reflex (where he feels like he's falling and so extends his arms out suddenly like in a hug... seemingly remnants from our monkey days), but now he also has more control of his hands (unlike in the first couple of weeks, where he couldn't decide whether his hands were his friends or his nemesis... he didn't yet know he could control them, so he would suck on them for comfort but scream when they got in the way of his milk supply, which was fairly often).  Now he kicks as much as he can -- even swaddled up and especially now when getting his diaper change.

Speaking of diaper changes, that's where he met his first best friend... the first aid kit!!  He always cranes his neck to stare and smile at it (Tyler has now started playing the voice of the first aid kit, saying hello to Elliot and giving him a kiss after the diaper change).

Ah, to see through the eyes of a baby, where everything is new and fascinating.  So imagine his delight this morning with... snow!!

And with that, the little guy is stirring awake... more to come!