It's my 38th birthday today!! Here's my birthday gift to help make the world a better place: gathering my incredible friends and network together to sponsor 38 high-income, low-achieving high school students through Minds Matter:
https://www.crowdrise.com/sponsor-38-kids-for-my-38th-birthday
Here's the story:
Like many of us, the current political climate has me doubling down on causes that matter most to me. 78% of students served by Minds Matter are immigrants or first generation Americans. All donated funds are sure to have high impact: Minds Matter has an ROI ration of 17:1 -- every $1 of donated funds results in $17 in impact (just incredible!!) So please consider donating $10, $25, $50 to sponsor 38 kids with SAT prep books... I promise it will make you feel good (and make me feel better about turning 38 :)
And here's my birthday gift to myself:
I give myself permission to stop the people-pleasing hustling that has largely defined the first three decades of my life.
I spent my luxurious morning listening to Brene Brown talks. I was searching for one quote in particular that I knew I wrote down in my journal, but is lying somewhere already packed in a box. On a podcast with Tim Ferriss, she gave her advice to her 30 year old self, saying that the "30s is such a time for perfecting and proving... STOP HUSTLING." She then talked about the liberation that came in her 40s.
This was good stuff, but wasn't the core of what I was after. After a bit of searching I found it.
Sitting with Chase Jarvis, she answered an audience member's question in a way that so resonated that the first time I heard this, I literally gasped and there were tears in my eyes. Asked by a young man what her advice to her 25 year old self (with all its gremlin voices) would be, she said:
"What I would tell my 25 year old self is this:
All the pleasing and proving and perfecting that you're doing is getting in the way of what you're supposed to be doing. I would have just grabbed myself by the shoulders and shook myself and said:
You can never live the life that you want to live and NOT disappoint other people. You'll need to choose NOW."
Indeed, the first time I did a 10 day silent meditation retreat (in India when I was 29), I was shocked how much all the stuff coming out of my head was all about guilt and regret about disappointing other people.
She goes on to say that you're going to piss people off and are going to let down people if you're yourself. I laughed knowingly when she said the "30s is notoriously difficult for this: 'I think I can be me and authentic and make everyone around me happy.'" (no, but really I can!! :)
Similar to her talk with Tim, she says that the big gift of midlife is understanding that "Something's gotta go. And it ain't gonna be me."
So instead of feeling like I'm old and "behind" on things today, I choose to be early on this one and not wait until my 40s for this change to take place.
My birthday gift to myself is to finally shed my pleasing and proving and perfecting that have largely defined my first 37 years... when I think of how much energy I had been using in all of my personal interactions... trying to understand what might make others "like" me and then contorting to that... Well, without going into the shame vortex of that, all I can say is that I'll now have a tremendous amount of energy moving forward towards doing the things that truly set my soul on fire.
And that may be the best birthday gift to myself I can think of.
