It's sunny and clear in Seoul today -- a brisk 44 degrees, but with all the sunlight streaming into our apartment, I'm wearing a tank top and yoga pants. I'm drinking a fig smoothie with freshly made almond milk (the making of which has become my Sunday ritual... along with Facetiming with my parents over dinner and Tyler's parents over breakfast). The figs are huge and plump and juicy -- a spur-of-the-moment purchase from an old Korean grandmother selling them on the subway. (Every 2nd and 4th Sunday, all giant food retailers in Korea are closed, in order to encourage Koreans to buy from individual mom and pop vendors... a practice Tyler and I were highly skeptical of, seeing as stores are instead packed on Saturdays and stay open until midnight -- until I found that it worked on me!)
As I continually discover here, happiness at home is a mix of the big things (we bought a washing machine!!) and small joys like this relaxing Monday morning (and lest you think I've transformed into some sort of domestic goddess, as I've been writing this, I have also completely burned my lentils for lunch... it literally took me about 30 seconds to realize after the thought, Hmm, what is that smell? -- don't worry, everything's all okay now). With Seoul now 14 hours ahead of Eastern Time, my Mondays have become my favorite day of the week: no calls, meetings, or expectations... just uninterrupted time to write and work (and text with my best friend at home). A sanctuary!!
If this morning is all about the small stuff, then this weekend was all about the big stuff (and partying with Rich, who's in town from NYC!) For those keeping up with our bed saga, our hopes were dashed by Addie, who sheepishly told me last week that making our bed "was no longer possible" because of the large size (I would have been upset, except that Addie seemed even more upset and ended each text message with an emoticon bawling with sadness -- see exhibit below.)
On the advice of another friend scouring Seoul for an American king size bed frame, we head to Ashley Furniture. We see a couch... but more importantly, we see a bed. In fact, we see the bed, in my humble opinion. It's big and high and looks like it came straight from a Southeast Asian island like Bali... In short, it's nothing like what we wanted before (which was low and minimalist and Japan-like).
It reminds me of a Columbia University speed dating behavioral economics study by Ray Fisman, Sheena Iyengar, and Itamar Simonson, which found that people (particularly women) say they want something, but then when they meet someone and have chemistry, all that goes out the window (more about that study here; main takeaway is that both men and women make decisions primarily based on attractiveness... men are just more honest about it). The trees in the showroom background make me think of leisurely island days (it didn't help that I recently wrote out my "ideal day" and it essentially involves us living in Bali). While I was ready to buy on the spot after some negotiations on price, Tyler is the voice of wisdom and pragmatism, saying we should walk further.
Down the street, we walk into Hanssem (which until I saw it spelled this weekend, thought was called "Handsome"). There, we see the couch (I realize Tyler's fallen in love when he lounges...)
We take a breather to assess finances, and in the meantime, find the bed that Tyler likes -- we talk to the factory head and he says he can finish this a dark brown and extend the sides of the bed to look more like the "Japanese" bed photo we fell in love with last week. We really like the store and the bed is almost exactly what we were looking for last week.
We spend lunch (pork belly barbeque at one of our favorite small joints in Seoul) discussing the merits of each bed: Tyler talking about the logical reasons for his "Japanese" bed ("there are three main reasons this bed makes the most sense: quality, cost, and fit with our apartment") and me expressing my emotions about my "Bali" bed ("it's just SO nice and we can get lots of green lush plants and feel like we're living in Bali!").
I gotta say, of all the things I'm proud of our marriage and relationship about, our ability to navigate decisions and compromise has risen to the top. We've even learned to express our arguments in the "language" of the other person -- which essentially consists of me developing a logical framework into which to insert my emotional preferences, and Tyler saying, "I feel..." before his logical arguments.
When I was working at Katzenbach, we each took the Myers-Briggs test; our manager lightened the mood further by showing a slide called: "How many of your type does it take to change a light bulb?" In my "professional" life, the answer (which shouldn't shock anyone) was: "Only one, me. As long as that's okay with everyone else"; and in my "personal" life, the answer was: "But that was my favorite light bulb!!" While I've never seen Tyler's MBTI type, I think his would be a unique combination of: "The cost/benefit ratio would dictate only one" and "Who cares - the important thing is that it would be fun!"
We talk and talk, and leave the lunch feeling good about our decision, heading back to buy the bed and the couch.
So which bed did we ultimately decide to go with? You'll just have to plan your trip to Korea and find out :)
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