To everything...

I haven't been able to get the song out of my head for days: "To everything (turn, turn, turn); There is a season (turn, turn, turn); And a time to every purpose under heaven."  It was in a movie I saw on the plane to Zambia (and the part of the movie where the waterworks started... happens every time on a plane -- doesn't matter if it's The Notebook or 22 Jump Street, the flight attendant always has to hand me more tissues).  The song has been following me around ever since.

I remember having a conversation with my high school boyfriend, Michael, where he said something like: "You know, I often think I like a song just 'cause, but then only later when I reflect on the words, does it really hit me why I was drawn to it in the first place."

And so it's been with me and this song, whose lyrics are from the Book of Ecclesiastes and the Song of Solomon (and thus bears the distinction of the #1 charted song with the oldest lyrics, from the 3rd century BC).  Over the last few weeks, all anyone has been talking about is the weather: the tremendous blizzard that hit the east coast, the snow that's started to fall upon Seoul again... But as I'm realizing, the winter season isn't just on the outside.

Since coming back from the Philippines in early January, all I've wanted to do is burrow and nest, pointing our space heater at my feet (which I'm doing right now) and nursing a big cup of hot tea.  In fact, nesting and turning our apartment into a sanctuary has been our primary goal for January (more to come on this).

One blog I follow talks about this linkage between the outside weather and our internal state of mind, saying that winter is a time to "rest, meditate, reflect, and nurture the seeds of new plans you want to execute in the spring and summer."  The article continues: "If you tend to work against the winter season because you don't want it to interfere with your obligations -- if you stay up late, take on extra tasks for other people, and book all your time with projects and responsibilities -- you probably experience winter symptoms like colds and flu, intense cravings, weight gain, and seasonal depression.  These health problems arise because you body feels stressed and needs you to slow down."

And slow down I have.  I have taken my doctors' advice to heart and have focused on getting at least eight hours of sleep each night (an average of 8 hours 24 minutes since I started the sleep challenge 13 days ago), with the data to prove it (of course, getting this average up has included me sleeping 11 hours this past Saturday night to make up for jagged sleep on the plane and during my work trip).

But it hasn't been easy.  As we plan our upcoming Valentines / Lunar New Year trip to Bali, my new "self" is bumping up against my old.  Sunrise hike up a volcano?!  Wreck diving?!  YES!! -- oh but wait... can we still sleep a lot and meditate?

I gotta say, while I've been resisting this ("how can I be productive if I sleep so much?"), it's actually proving to be a real game changer.  My mornings have never been calmer, and even Tyler remarked yesterday how much more relaxed and happy I seem.

This new mindset is also how I found myself snuggling with cheetahs on my last day in Zambia last week:

Let me explain.  As soon as I landed in Lusaka, Zambia for a work trip, I started researching what to do with my extra day there.  All the sites I looked up and everyone I spoke to pointed at the same thing: Victoria Falls.  "It's one of the wonders of the world"; "Now's the perfect time to go"; "When else will you be this close?!"  My omnipresent FOMO ("fear of missing out") combined with my (somewhat-manic) sense of adventure found me madly looking up flights to Livingstone in my dark hotel room with slow internet.  Around $500 for a roundtrip flight on a tiny prop plane for a quick 24 hour hop to Livingstone in the midst of the rainy season... It's something I easily would have done ten years ago in my mid-20s.  I joked around to my colleagues that marriage has made me conservative, but really, the answer of whether to stay in Lusaka or fly to Livingstone became glaringly clear when I simply asked: "Which option would be more relaxing and rejuvenating?"

With that, I switched tactics entirely and instead began to research how to spend a relaxing day in or around Lusaka.  Turns out, Chaminuka Game Reserve, with its 10,000 acres and airy lodge seemed to fit the bill perfectly.  Between game drives (giraffes and warthogs and zebras, oh my!), bird watching on the lake, and feasting on avocados, I read an entire book just relaxing in the open air lodge (great book, by the way, called The Invention of Wings).  Here are some pics from my nine hours there:

Oh yea.  And cheetahs.  As it turned out, there happened to be a pair of cheetah cubs whose mom was killed by hunters.  Aged 18 months, they grew up being conditioned to humans... and as a result, were just like giant house cats who loved to be pet (and had the loudest purrs I've ever heard!)

What's more, I was the only tourist with these crazy cats all afternoon (along with three handlers-turned-photographers), so I reveled in petting them and watching them frolic.  Just like good dogs, they didn't seem to mind the leashes, and we went out for a magical afternoon walk along the grounds. (My favorite reaction from friends and family seeing this pic is from Tyler's second mom, Robin, who said: "I enjoy big dogs, but you... You've got big kitties and it appears you have them under control.  I guess I don't have to worry about that Bolender boy you married getting out of hand.")

All this magic because I chose the "relaxed" option of staying near Lusaka.  But that's the thing.  I'm learning through this crazy experiment that relaxing doesn't actually mean I do nothing interesting all day or that I'm unproductive.  In fact, I think I was the best facilitator I've been in a while during my work trip simply because I made a conscious effort to be relaxed and know (in Tyler's words), "this wasn't about me."  In being more relaxed, I was able to be more present and thus be a better facilitator, drawing out insights from the amazing group assembled.  In choosing the "relaxed" option of staying near Lusaka, I had a sublimely magical day, which came nearly effortlessly (just thinking about hiring a car and hoping the small plane landed in time for my flight to Dubai makes my heart beat faster with stress).

It's like the song: A time to rend and a time to sew... a time to be productive and a time to just chill.  Okay, maybe those aren't the words exactly.  Bob Dylan gave a speech at the Grammy's last week that's really worth a read (transcript here).  He talks about how he learned lyrics and how to write them from listening to folk songs: "For three or four years all I listened to were folk standards... If you sang "John Henry" as many times as me -- 'John Henry was a steel-driving man / Died with a hammer in his hand...If you had sung that song as many times as I did, you'd have written, "How many roads must a man walk down?" too."

It made me remember an interview I read about Bono.  He talks about the music already being there, somewhere out there in the universe, with the songwriter pulling the verse out.  He says: "When you stumble on certain melodies, you think, 'that was already there... like "I've got sunshine on a cloudy day."'  It's like Michelangelo speaking about David: "The sculpture was already in the stone."

And what I'm learning is this: It's only by slowing down and taking time to do "nothing" that you can sing folk songs until they become "Blowin' in the Wind", or snatch that song from the air or see David in the marble. I now have a much more nuanced understanding of my doctor's advice to "do nothing for one hour every day."

I'm not saying I'm Michelangelo or anything like that (though it did feel wonderful to break out a coloring book and pencils and just sit on our couch, coloring birds this past weekend).  But it certainly is a new perspective that's the direct opposite of my old mantra to "go go go" and the one that permeates all the productivity hack websites I read (usually written by men), with life lessons like: "If you're not up early, you're sleeping too late".  Maybe.  And maybe I'll get back to that and join the 5am club one day.  But maybe now's my time to hibernate, rest, and rejuvenate.

After all, to everything, there is a season.