As it turns out, my net appeared with my toes still dangling off the edge of the mountain -- not yet taking that first step into the unknown. But then again, safety nets seem to be a mom's specialty.
My parents and I had just arrived in Newark Airport, getting ready for my 14 hour flight to Narita, to be followed by a 2 hour flight to Seoul. While my dad goes to park the car, the baggage handler offers helpful advice: "You're about 10 pounds above the weight limit. Why don't you distribute the weight so you don't get charged extra money. Do this before your father comes back."
What happens next is a fascinating case study in human psychology. Despite knowing that my luggage was over the weight limit and in fact, choosing that option to protect my back with lighter carry-ons, something about the baggage handler's comment now turned it in to a task ahead of me (only later did I realize his "do this before your father comes back" triggered me in the same way my ex-boyfriend's older sisters could make him do anything as a kid with the words, "I'll time you!"). The process of unpacking, re-sorting, and re-packing was so tedious, that I never stopped to reflect, "Is this actually something I want to do?" Instead, I beamed with pride when my bag came in at 49 pounds at the counter -- exactly one pound below the limit.
All checked in, I now stared with disbelief at my now-large carry-on bags, which seemed to be stuffed to their seams. For the next hour while my parents and I got something to eat, I was angry at myself and the entire situation. Fearful of re-injuring my back for the sake of saving $100, I regretted everything -- I was annoyed at the baggage handler, annoyed at United, but most of all, annoyed with myself. I found myself droning on and on about how I shouldn't have listened to the baggage handler and should have stuck with my original plan.
Finally, my mom says: "Well, you can't change what happened. So what will you do now?"
That hit me like a ton of bricks. And even as I write this quote days later, I feel my shoulders relax. You can't change what's happened, so what will you do now? It's the most important lesson I could ever bring to Korea.
The rest of the story doesn't even matter, but for those interested, we did exactly what we should have done earlier if ego hadn't gotten in the way: we bought a duffel bag, filled that up with the contents of most of my carry-on's, paid the fee, and checked it in. My flights were all a breeze, and my back feels great.
A few years ago, I heard Cory Booker speak at Columbia. I still smile remembering part of his speech; he said, "Do you ever feel like the universe is trying to tell you something?" -- it was the first time I had heard someone with such power and influence in the "mainstream" talking about the universe.
As though the incident in Newark wasn't lesson enough, the universe got one final wink on the plane. Midway into the flight, I was thrilled to find a great selection of audio books as part of the entertainment system (thank you, United!) I started listening to Shawn Achor's "Before Happiness" (his TED talk on "The Happiness Advantage" is one of my all-time favorites) I dozed off for much of it, but woke up to hear about the fate of folks experiencing the economic downturn: those who were able to most successfully bounce back from it were those "who were able to embrace new realities other than the one they had been living". Going deeper, those who thrived were able to "let go of pre-determined beliefs of what the world should look like," versus those who clung to the past and the should's.
Got it. Acceptance. This is my lesson that I'm here to learn. My good friend Robert was determined to stay in India until he learned acceptance, knowing he would find himself in similar situations until he learned this lesson in his core (maybe that's why we're now here in Korea; it's putting it mildly that we did not learn that lesson in India!)
I always struggled with this principle in meditation workshops (one of Art of Living's core insights is to "accept people and situations as they are"). I confused "acceptance" with "being okay" with the situation (what about all the terrible injustices in the world?!). What I realize now is that acceptance means accepting what's currently happening as truth -- not stomping my feet, covering my ears, and screaming that things should be different. And with that acceptance, the next question becomes: "What will you do now?"
There's a quote about India that I love: "India is like a wave. If you resist, you get knocked over. But if you dive right in, you come through to the other side." Instead of fighting, it's about embracing. And the first step of that is acceptance.
What a perfect lesson to learn before touching down in Korea. Thank you, Mom!
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