It's another one of those mornings where the universe is conspiring to send me a message... this one about human connection. I had my weekly "thinking Tuesdays" day yesterday -- a day blocked off for zero work, just thinking and reading and reflecting (which, as a nice perk, often results in an amazing insight and idea for work -- though that's really just a perk and not the point). When I'm not thinking/reading/reflecting, I'm at Create Wellness for my weekly massage and back appointment (man, I'll miss Korea); and we just hired our nanny to work at night once a week so we can resume Tuesday date nights. So basically Tuesdays are now my favorite day of the week :)
I was telling Tyler that I had a bit of an epiphany yesterday... something shifted between me and someone I used to find quite annoying and shallow. That "shift" was just in opening up and understanding her larger story. Asking her questions and truly "seeing" her allowed me to have much more compassion and be much less judgmental. I thought about the Socrates quote: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
It reminded me of a blog post I recently read from a former coach of mine... talking about how she always used to make fun of her friend who would never go on vacation because she didn't want to leave her dog alone... until she finally asked the question in a genuinely curious, open way -- and realized it's because her friend had left her dog with a sitter, only to find out he had been beaten and abused. She felt shame and never wanted that to happen again.
It seems to have become human nature in this time of social media and "virtual" connection. We've somehow started to isolate ourselves more in the physical present. Nowhere has this become more obvious to me than in joining the ranks of new mommy-hood. It feels an ever-present tug-of-war between feeling so intimately connected to other parents who are going through similar things... yet at the same time, feeling this culture of such judgement, competition, holier-than-though-ness of parenting. It's like a recent article I read about the tragic incident in Disney of the alligator killing the two-year old boy. Rather than circling around and supporting the parents ("we are you too" -- like the country did for accidents like Baby Jessica falling down the well), we've put up pitchforks, not only separating us from them, but making us superior to them ("I would never let that happen to MY child"). I'm certainly guilty of this, with my first thought being -- "oh gosh, who are these parents who let their kids pose for pictures near wild animals?!" (which of course, was far from true, with the father jumping into the water to try to rescue his son).
This morning, I got two emails around this topic of human connection. The first was a challenge from the creator of the Five Minute Gratitude Journal, which many of you know I love:
So this week I am issuing a challenge! Make an effort to be fully present with each social interaction you have, especially with employees or customer service people. For extra credit, see if you can brighten THEIR day.
And the second is a blog post sent by my friend Robert that's so powerful, I'm attaching the link that the post is excerpted from and pasting the text here:
I was telling Tyler that I had a bit of an epiphany yesterday... something shifted between me and someone I used to find quite annoying and shallow. That "shift" was just in opening up and understanding her larger story. Asking her questions and truly "seeing" her allowed me to have much more compassion and be much less judgmental. I thought about the Socrates quote: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."
It reminded me of a blog post I recently read from a former coach of mine... talking about how she always used to make fun of her friend who would never go on vacation because she didn't want to leave her dog alone... until she finally asked the question in a genuinely curious, open way -- and realized it's because her friend had left her dog with a sitter, only to find out he had been beaten and abused. She felt shame and never wanted that to happen again.
It seems to have become human nature in this time of social media and "virtual" connection. We've somehow started to isolate ourselves more in the physical present. Nowhere has this become more obvious to me than in joining the ranks of new mommy-hood. It feels an ever-present tug-of-war between feeling so intimately connected to other parents who are going through similar things... yet at the same time, feeling this culture of such judgement, competition, holier-than-though-ness of parenting. It's like a recent article I read about the tragic incident in Disney of the alligator killing the two-year old boy. Rather than circling around and supporting the parents ("we are you too" -- like the country did for accidents like Baby Jessica falling down the well), we've put up pitchforks, not only separating us from them, but making us superior to them ("I would never let that happen to MY child"). I'm certainly guilty of this, with my first thought being -- "oh gosh, who are these parents who let their kids pose for pictures near wild animals?!" (which of course, was far from true, with the father jumping into the water to try to rescue his son).
This morning, I got two emails around this topic of human connection. The first was a challenge from the creator of the Five Minute Gratitude Journal, which many of you know I love:
So this week I am issuing a challenge! Make an effort to be fully present with each social interaction you have, especially with employees or customer service people. For extra credit, see if you can brighten THEIR day.
And the second is a blog post sent by my friend Robert that's so powerful, I'm attaching the link that the post is excerpted from and pasting the text here:
How Is Your Heart Doing?
by Omid Safi
In many Muslim cultures, when you want to ask them how they’re doing, you ask: in Arabic, Kayf haal-ik? or, in Persian, Haal-e shomaa chetoreh? How is yourhaal?
What is this haal that you inquire about? It is the transient state of one’s heart. In reality, we ask, “How is your heart doing at this very moment, at this breath?” When I ask, “How are you?” that is really what I want to know.
I am not asking how many items are on your to-do list, nor asking how many items are in your inbox. I want to know how your heart is doing, at this very moment. Tell me. Tell me your heart is joyous, tell me your heart is aching, tell me your heart is sad, tell me your heart craves a human touch. Examine your own heart, explore your soul, and then tell me something about your heart and your soul.
Tell me you remember you are still a human being, not just a human doing. Tell me you’re more than just a machine, checking off items from your to-do list. Have that conversation, that glance, that touch. Be a healing conversation, one filled with grace and presence.
Put your hand on my arm, look me in the eye, and connect with me for one second. Tell me something about your heart, and awaken my heart. Help me remember that I too am a full and complete human being, a human being who also craves a human touch.
I teach at a university where many students pride themselves on the “study hard, party hard” lifestyle. This might be a reflection of many of our lifestyles and our busy-ness — that even our means of relaxation is itself a reflection of that same world of overstimulation. Our relaxation often takes the form of action-filled (yet mindless) films, or violent and fast-paced sports.
I don’t have any magical solutions. All I know is that we are losing the ability to live a truly human life.
We need a different relationship to work, to technology. We know what we want: a meaningful life, a sense of community, a balanced existence. It’s not just about “leaning in” or faster iPhones. We want to be truly human.
W. B. Yeats once wrote, "It takes more courage to examine the dark corners of your own soul than it does for a solider to fight on a battlefield."
How exactly are we supposed to examine the dark corners of our soul when we are so busy? How are we supposed to live the examined life?
I want us to have a kind of existence where we can pause, look each other in the eye […] and inquire together: Here is how my heart is doing. […]
How is the state of your heart today?
Let us insist on a type of human-to-human connection where when one of us responds by saying, “I am just so busy,” we can follow up by saying, “I know, love. We all are. But I want to know how your heart is doing.”
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