"And this life of mine has been blessed"

It's not even one week since Hanoi and already I feel the magic and our resolutions to sustain and protect that magic fading.  The three of us really did fall even more in love with each other last weekend, and it was 100% due to being fully present.  Whatever was happening in the present, that was enough.  Of course, this was easy to do lounging out by the pool and bringing Elliot in for his first swim.  But it also made just lying down with the three of us on the bed magical as well.

The day that we arrived back home, Tyler and I talked about how amazing the trip was and said how much we want to create the "Hanoi magic" as much as we can now that we're back in real life.  Full of resolve and promise (which for me, included a weekly technology-free day) on Sunday... by Monday evening, I was telling Tyler that I was already slipping.  I'd bring Elliot into our big bed and cuddle and play with him... only to reach out for my phone and check email, or think about something that needs to get done and wonder how close we were to nap time.

So like most things I write about on this blog, I don't have the answers.  But I feel like I'm working my way towards them.  Here are three things I'm learning now and continuing to test around staying present with Elliot:

1. Music.  Much less of an a-ha, this one is more like an "um, duh".  There was one month in India where I thought I was depressed, and it turns out I just hadn't been listening to music that inspired me (my brother-in-law had sent a link of a new song he liked, and I was like OH YA, music lights me up).  Listening to the right music snaps my mind back into the present and moves my awareness from my mind to my heart.  It makes whatever I'm doing with Elliot feel like a video montage -- and there's an aspect of me that feels like I'm already watching this from the future looking back, reminding me these are the magic moments.  Top on my playlist of mindful mommyhood:

• Snatam Kaur, "Crimson" (actually, the entire album is an incredible heart opener, but the words of Crimson are especially powerful -- "And this life of mine has been blessed."
• 10,000 Maniacs, "These Are Days"
• Bhakti Bhakti, "Amazing Grace / Guru Om" 
• Ella Eyre, "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" (this is what Tyler used to sing to Elliot back when I was still pregnant and we were calling him "Gracie")
• OneRepublic, "Good Life"

2. Two Awesome Hours.  I devoured a book this week that my brother-in-law had just recently read called "Two Awesome Hours."  The thesis is pretty straight-forward and simple: you can structure your day and harness the learnings of cognitive awarenes to make yourself incredibly effective and productive for "two awesome hours."  I realize I'm probably a big part of the problem of the whole phenomenon of productivity meets motherhood (super interesting "Manifesto" about the usage of parenting as a verb in last week's Wall Street Journal here).  But hear me out.  For me, knowing that I've set aside and created conditions for two awesome hours of what I call "real" work (not just responding to emails, but actually creating something of use and impact to the wider world) allows me to be truly present with Elliot during the times I'm not working.

3. Sharing in morning rituals.  To back track, I realized long ago there are certain morning practices and rituals I did that made me feel great and set the foundations to a really amazing day.  And I also realized if I didn't do these consistently... well, it's like not listening to music for a month.  So what ended up happening is that I would hope that Elliot would stay asleep long enough for me to finish these (meditating + yoga + journal)... or that he would take a nap so that I could finish.  Clearly not the best recipe for cultivating joy in the present (ironic, since that's what these practices are meant to do).  So what am I now trying instead?  Doing them with Elliot! -- well, the first two at least.  We've now started "meditating" and doing yoga together in the morning.  By "meditating", I mean putting on a meditation awareness track while we lovingly look at each other in bed (he's become obsessed with our faces and touching them ever so sweetly like a blind person feeling the contours of a sculpture).  And by yoga, I mean that he does his thing and I copy him, laying next to him.  He loves the mutual mirroring.  This morning, we did "happy baby" for about fifteen minutes in bed (this pose name, I now get... but still don't understand child's pose -- what child does that?)

As though on cue, I now hear him stirring from his morning nap... time to start practicing what I preach... let's get some music on!